Friday, June 11, 2010

It's like some perpetual sadness.

I think I set myself up on this one.

I started this morning with the agenda of completing all my online classes I've been behind on due to college (4 days worth), which was probably mistake number one.

I went out of bed, happy by the expected homemade blueberry muffins, then mother comes in, a little huffy by the fact that she had to return a few things because we needed it for gas instead. Financial problems are ALWAYS a problem. Don't try to shrug it off, attempting to be careless- there's always SOME anxiety with it. What was so shocking was the magnitude of how disturbed I was. We haven't been shopping in literally months, I have no money to make clothes, and other issues that aren't as trivial, obviously. What I'm trying to say is, make do with what you have, and make it work. (a la Tim Gunn)

Anyways, after that, I proceeded to work on my online work at 11 AM, four days worth, and that continued until 7, which would explain the bored webcam pic I took while doing the class.:

I know, ew. But i feel like I'm cheating if I don't include SOME picture in my posts... This is all I had...
Anyways, that put me in a super sour mood. I'm a total freak, because I don't get hungry at all while studying because I'm so determined to finish something, I don't realize that I need to eat, or rest, or even go to the bathroom until EVERYTHING is over. ergh. (I just noticed all the capitalized words in this. I'm just so INFURIATED!! I guess.)
Then, I had to do macroeconomics, where I found that I did not get a great grade on my test that I studied super hard for. Bummer #3, right? Lost track. Then I had to watch a video about how the economic depression will be worse than the Great Depression, and how we shouldn't trust our government anymore. Great. THEN there was English, I did another hour and a half of work.
You know when you're in a bad mood, everything seems to be against you? Like the world seems to have your head on its hit list, or something. Everything little thing, like a window taking a little too long to load is just another weight about to break you?
I almost lost it today. I was so close. I had a mini crack in the dam, but it's all patched up now. I feel like I am going crazy. I've been stuck in this house whenever I'm don't have classes. I have no time for friends, and some even get upset with me. It kills me that I can't have any time with them. I just feel unhappy, that's all I'm trying to say. There. I'm just very, very sad. And have been, all day.
But I know it's all temporary because tomorrow, it'll be as if nothing happened.

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