In defense of outdated trends:
|Links: Mom Jeans Gauchos Scrunchies 8ball Overalls|
They were your 90's staple. Nothing says farmgirl chic than a faded, light denim pair of overalls that somehow managed to not correctly fit any part of your body. The epitome of sexy is playing hide and seek with the world. Your butt is hiding. And it's really, really good at this game.
Ohh this is one of my favorites. The cousin of the balloon/MC Hammer Pants, the gauchos were the trendiest of the trendy in the early millennium. The best part of wearing these were magically making it appear to have no knees. Girl, it was just hip hip hip hip hip OH, found your ankles! You know where gauchos came from? South American cowboys. Let's just add women's beard moustaches and holsters with various animal skinning tools to the list of must-watch-for trends while we're at it.
I genuinely miss the scrunchie. Not too long ago my friend (an avid scrunchie-lover who was wearing one in her hair that day) and I were at a local H&M when a gaggle of middle school girls were silently gossiping and gasping, pointing at the aforementioned scrunchie. "Look, she's wearing a SCRUNCHAY." "Ehmagod RIGHT? I mean, that stuff went out of style before I was born. ...Right?" Shut up, middle school girls. You have no clue what you're missing out on. The colorful, non-hair pulling glory that is a scrunchie only graces the non-pinched heads of worthy women.
The 8-ball jacket- What are you wearing. I'm pretty sure you're wearing the skin of at least 8 animals. And each are a different color of the rainbow. But to be fair, those guys are probably just hoping that a hot girl just struts up to them and starts shaking them violently whilst yelling: DID TRACY REALLY KISS BLAKE OR IS SHE LYING AND HE REALLY JUST LOVES ME? ALSO DID I LEAVE MY CURLING IRON ON WHEN I LEFT THE APARTMENT?!!
"Heyyo 90's girl. Remember me? I'm those mom jeans everybody was sporting back in the day- men included. I miss you. I miss the fun memories we used to have. Remember when camel toes were like, the ISH way back when? Trust me, everyone just loved how I fit you only around the WIDEST PART OF YOUR BODY and made your legs literally look like sticks with no knees. Oh OHH! And oh, gosh, remember when Katie, your pen pal from high school said that the higher and bigger the back pockets on your jeans the better? Where was she from again? Florida? Wait how old was she? 67? Oh that doesn't matter, she was wise in her years. And you can thank me for those looks the guys gave you when they saw your perky bum in that poncho of fabric. It wasn't a look of disgust. It was awe. And wonder. They were all thinking, 'That girl must be so confident that she's willing to make her butt like marshmallow that's been microwaved too long because she knows those pants make her look FIIINE.' I miss us. Anyway, I saw Kim Kardashian wear some mom jeans last week on US Weekly, does that mean you'll take me out of the 'To incinerate' box in your closet? For memory's sake?"
*Obviously this post isn't meant to offend anyone. If you love and still rock any of these trends, more power to you. I get it. I still have a floral dress I wore in the 90's and I still wear it.